Recent Trips to India & Nostalgia of uprooted life

The past 4 months have been difficult & different from the past 50+ years of my existence.

The past 4 months have been different from the past 50+  years of my existence. I have traveled to and between T3  (New Delhi’s swanky Indira Gandhi International  airport) and San Francisco airport for each of the 4 months on personal trips.

This travel (I’ll come to the reasons for that later) was an anomaly for a career management consultant who has been a frequent traveller for work for over 3 decades,  including  many times to different corners of the world as I flew almost every week serving clients across industry sectors and met with teams spread out in 5 continents. (BTW, I'm yet to visit Australia and Antartica for business!)

Indira Gandhi Airport, named after India's former PM & iron lady (whose assassination  & subsequent Sikh massacres in 1984 that burned Delhi along with army battalions marching in my neighborhood to maintain peace haunt me till date), gave a totally different vibe than all my prior travels to Delhi. It was humming and full of tourists of both international and Indian origin.

One thing that strikes me is the sense of optimism in India today. Both politically after 8 years of Modi government putting accelerated development & infrastructure improvement  as top agenda as well as increasing social status of India in international circuits. World’s most populous nation monicker notwithstanding, the beginning of “Amrit Kaal” - the next 25 years till India enters the centurion club of being an independent country -  and taking over G20 presidentship all combined have a positive impact to lift the sentiment in the country.

Uprooted life -  backstory & H1B lottery

The positivity & sense of pride in youth I met recently blows my mind off to the extent that I'm convinced that if these conditions existed 30 years ago in India, I would NOT have uprooted and moved into the US under the H1B tech visa slavery! 

Now that's a strong statement to make after enduring the long painful years of systemic abuse and discrimination meted out to immigrants (especially Asian Americans) irrespective of educational credentials, and professional excellence in their home country. For the record, I happened to be a CGPA 10 pointer in my heydays ( 10/10 combined for all semesters making it the highest score & Gold Medal eligible at IIT Delhi)  and fairly competent in my line of work (top performer in a Tata group  company as well as tech consulting public sector enterprise - which is  now part of Tata Consulting Services) before bowing down to the visa Gods and taking up a 2 month long assignment on a B1 visa that morphed into a 3 year H1B  "with family" deputation to a permanent  residency (green card and Citizenship) aspiration as a result of the proverbial ( x+1 ) phenomenon. 

For the uninitiated, the US government allows immigrants with exceptional tech skills to enter the US on H1B visa for 3 years, extendable to 6 during which if their employer sees value, can file for a permanent residency a.k.a. green card. Once someone gets their  green card and subsequently citizenship, they can set up ventures and incorporate  startups creating jobs in the US. But that process can be lengthy. Took me 14 years during which career/job change options were limited as one has to leave the country lock stock and barrel selling assets & possessions within 60 days of a job loss or layoff or if the visa sponsoring company tanks.  For many who may have taken loans for their higher education in the US and self funded their first ever international travel,  things are not always hunky dory. So essentially the immigrant on tech visa with a family to support here in the US and parents to look after in India is caught between a rock and a hard place. On top of it, when 9/11 struck and anti-immigrant waves hit us due to non-white color of skin, many including me were made to feel unwelcomed in the US defying the “melting-pot” type vibe of the US Silicon Valley. So much for winning  the H1B lottery and the American Dream!

Uprooted life -  backstory from my Dad’s generation  

But that is nothing in comparison to what my dad had to endure when he was growing up as a teen. Born in Dera Ismail Khan in undivided Punjab province of India in 1932, to a wealthy land owner family  boasting of owning properties and shops (as well as a car in early 1900s), he had to witness perhaps the largest forced human migration & genocide in history with over 2 millions massacred during the religion based partition of India & creation of Pakistan in 1947 by the British colonial enslavers. After witnessing uncles & other close relatives beheaded in cold blood, my dad and his 4 brothers and 3 sisters ran for their lives boarding overcrowded trains to India  with whatever they could carry on their backs and head. They dispersed in different parts of India to save lives not knowing what they were going to do. 

Fleeing at age 15, my dad sheltered in temporary tents / refugee camps in Delhi to take care of his traumatized  parents while his siblings fled to different cities of India -  Calcutta, Surat, Lucknow & Pune. 

While  waiting to get compensated for lost ancestral property in what was then being called West Pakistan, he completed his matriculation from the refugee camps in Mori Gate area of Delhi walking miles every day to go to school and do homework under street lights. It took them two years to move out of the refugee camp and get a small one bedroom house allocated in lieu of all the riches they left behind.

The turning point came when it was time to go to college. While all elder brothers had already studied civil or mechanical engineering, there was money now left only for one child to be sent to engineering college. So, despite scoring higher rank & marks than his brother in the school leaving exam, he chose to stay back and care for his parents while letting his younger brother go to the family profession of engineering and got him enrolled at BITS Pilani. You see,  my grandfather used to be  a wealthy civil engineering contractor & landlord who couldn't recover from the shock of riches-to-rags life in post-partition refugee camp.  My grandma showed resilience and resorted to spirituality under the guidance of Arya Samaj to take a hold of new realities  of the immigrant/ refugee life in partitioned India, subsequently serving as the president of Arya Samaj in Rajinder Nagar for nearly 30 years.

The Numbers Connection

 My father went on to complete his bachelors and masters degrees in Mathematics from the Government college while taking up side jobs until after graduation he was selected to the office of accountant general central revenues (AGCR) in Delhi. A lifelong learner, he continued his education in the evenings  along with the government job to clear ICWA (Cost Accounting)  exams to start earning promotions in his job that would become his lifelong employer till retirement.

Along the way, he got married to my mom and subsequently my sister and I were born in Delhi. We always saw him busy doing more than his job.. whether it was studying or volunteering as a treasurer for Arya Samaj or even tutoring kids in Mathematics. I clearly recall him shuttling between Delhi and Nasik and Meerut during the winter months of  November to February many years in a row. I was told he was working on the Economic Survey - a precursor publication by Bureau of Public Enterprises to India’s annual Fiscal Budget by the Indian finance minister while on  deputation as a Director in ministry of Finance working closely with finance ministers Mr Pranab Mukherjee ( who later became president of India) and Dr Manmohan Singh (who subsequently became Prime minister of India for 10 years)

As a curious young student, I sometimes used to visit his office in CGO SCOPE complex in Lodhi Road and was  treated to good snacks, biscuits and tea by his staff. While watching him surrounded by colleagues and tonnes of files and papers, I admired his dedication to work but hated the long hours he would spend working both in the office and poring into files sometimes at night. All I knew was that he was good with numbers, very meticulous and never happy with me if I scored less than 95 percent in Maths. He of course gave me extra love and gifts each time I got 100/100 on any school test.  Once I had a bad time in the beginning of my final year of engineering college and scored very poorly in maths. What a thrashing I got at the age of 21!  By then he had retired from the Bureau of Public Enterprises but was offered a Financial Analyst/ Advisor position on a local Fintech publication that had an office less than a kilometer away from home. He took that "easing into retirement" opportunity while pivoting into finance journalism at the age of 58. Talk about reinventing and continually learning!

A warning and early introduction to hustling

Now getting back to the thrashing I got. When I had scored 40/100 in one of the weekly class exams for Engineering Mathematics IV, I sheepishly told him how more than half the class had failed and that given the “best 2 of 3” construct we had to count towards final grades, I could improve my scores and had two more chances before me. He gave me a stern look. I'm convinced he would have slapped me if I would have still been in high school  "The rest of the class doesn't have a father with masters degree in maths who has been tutoring others since the age of 16...you can come to me from tomorrow and I will tutor you " 

Now I was always afraid to study maths with him as anything less than perfect score was unacceptable in his books. I had once agreed to be tutored in grade 9. I had to get up at 4 am to study with him. So naturally, I was clearly shaking and begged for one more chance to improve my scores on my own within the next 2 weeks. I studied hard but still could manage to get only 80 percent in the next test. I knew that it was not enough for him and trembled while taking to him. Surprisingly, he had mellowed  from his old self and let me get away from his tutoring saying " You know what you have to do..I'm retired now and will not be with you for ever to hold your hands" 

While that was an immediate relief, it was an implied  warning. "Son, you better figure out your life. I'm not supporting you after college and there are tonnes of unemployed engineering graduates hanging out there if you fumble!"    

So my hustle began. I started to apply for jobs in my final year outside, not waiting for campus placements to commence.  Every Saturday,  I would scan the newspaper and go for open house style  walk-in interviews. One such  day in South Delhi happed to be with HCL Technologies. I went through the written test,IQ tests, group discussion and at the end of the day with multiple rounds of interviews, reached the final round.

 "Can you lie?" Was a critical question one senior manager on HCL Services team asked. Not sure if it was a trick question, but somehow I replied  "I can try but I always get caught by my parents when I lie so I think I will not be successful if this job requires me to lie"  The interviewer smirked and gave me a snarky smile and let me go.

I came home dejected but still happy that I got to experience  the final interview round.  Did not tell anything to my dad.  A month later, I got the employment offer letter with a posting in Kanpur as a Customer Engineer. Signed by none other than HCL Cofounder Arjun  Malhotra. I was elated and ran to tell my parents. They were happy for me but internally not happy while congratulating me. Without saying, their faces told me "Son, you want to leave us alone in Delhi?" 

So armed with the reassurance that at least I will not be amongst the millions of unemployed youth,  I resolved to do better. I applied to 3 companies for campus placements at my college. However, couldn't make the shortlist for most coveted company - CMC limited (At one time it was  the only Computer /IT company in India after IBM had to quit India in 1977). Perhaps they wanted people only with some recommendations/connections and I had none.  Second company was a Tata group company Tata Telecom Limited (TTL) where I applied and got through the multiple rounds of written exams  and interviews  on campus and was invited to a final round in their Nehru Place office in Delhi.  Was delighted that if selected, I could stay and work in Delhi and make my parents happy.

Final results came and 6 of us were selected for TTL.But my appointment letter was for the headquarters in Gandhinagar, Gujarat. Other selected classmates had it in Delhi, Calcutta, Madras and Bombay. I was offered a product management role while others had sales or service engineer trainee titles. I did not say anything to my parents. Went to the campus placement office and asked for another placement opportunity the next day. Now in those days, if one company selected you, the campus placements did not allow you to appear for other interviews..reminding me  of the “quota system”.  So I started my external job hunt again and luckily landed several final interviews..one with Escorts Telecom  and another one in Modinagar and yet another one in a computer company in Delhi.

Thus,  when I was about to graduate, I had multiple offers and put them in front of my dad. I was convinced he would say "Son, take the one with the most salary and benefits".  To my utter surprise and bewilderment, he asked me to choose the one I felt best suited me and my growth irrespective of whether it was in Delhi or not. I told him about my conversations with the HR head and Chief Executive of TTL and my inclination for it despite a lesser salary and out of town posting. He said "do what your heart wants" 

I chose Tata Telecom in Gandhinagar working for the legendary Chief executive Vijay K Gupta.  With me not having stayed in a hostel ever before during school or college, my parents wanted me to be safe while starting an independent life in a city ~900 km away from home. My  dad insisted on coming to drop me. So we both boarded a train to Ahmedabad from Delhi on my 22nd birthday and arrived on July 4th to start my professional career in product engineering at TTL. He was so proud to see the HR Manager welcoming me at the railway station and escorting us to Gandhinagar in the company chauffeured car. As an overprotective parent, my dad accompanied me on my first day at work and stayed with me at the company guest  house in Gandhinagar for a week to make me comfortable in the new city and introduced me to his relatives and acquaintances in that region. 

Delhi  - California travel over the years

 While their eyes were sad at the prospect of staying alone, they never stopped me from taking up out of town or even overseas opportunities.

After rejecting multiple project opportunities to Europe and middle east simply because I never wanted to leave India, when time came for my US assignment, my parents welcomed it as a career advancement opportunity. I was married by then and even had a new born baby. They gave unconditional approval for me to pursue career growth irrespective of geographical & family limitations. Thus I accepted the short term deputation assignment to US west coast. Little did I know then that this “short term assignment” would be a turning point. Arriving in San Francisco, I settled into my new routine missing my family so my wife and daughter joined me after a month. Parents cheered for us while staying in Delhi and we used to communicate by letters (yes, snail mail) every other week initially and then the frequency decreased over time when I discovered cheap international calling cards initially for $1 per minute!

However, my heart longed to meet them so after moving to the US in 1996, I made sure to visit India at least once and sometimes multiple times a year . After much convincing, I was able to make my parents travel for the first time to the US in 2002 to come and stay with us on visitor visa.  While my dad had traveled internationally previously  on audit / finance ministry  assignments, it was the first time flying for my mother.  My business trips to Asia subsequently increased during  2005- 2015 as I was helping expand IBM’s BI/BAO practice globally including India, Brazil  & China so at one point I was visiting or transiting through Delhi quarterly. Though parents never developed a liking for  the cold summers of Silicon Valley, the couple of months that they were able to spend with us here during their maiden visit are the moments I still cherish fondly.

Remembering Dad 

Now back to the beginning of this post and reason for my multiple  recent personal trips to T3 in the past 4 months. Back in Nov’22 I made a trip to Delhi after a 3 year gap and put my thoughts in this post reeking of nostalgia.   

While it was painful, in hindsight,  I’m so glad I got hurt with a knee injury literally grounding me for two weeks of that trip so I got to spend more time at sister’s home in Delhi with my ailing father.  I’m so glad we were able to celebrate his 90th birthday together in December before I flew back to the US in a wheelchair.  As fate would have it, his condition deteriorated further in January and I got that dreaded call one early morning from my sister who had been caring for him for the past 8 years after mom passed. I needed to rush to India for his last rites. 

Last few weeks of whirlwind activity and travels for the various religious ceremonies in Delhi and Haridwar are like a blur but during the memorial services I was able to connect with his old friends, colleagues, neighbors, cousins and relatives  as well as hear about aspects of his life that I was not previously exposed to. 

 I learnt besides being a caring and loving family man, devoted to his parents and siblings, he was an avid reader and continuous learner. I was unaware  how good a singer he was in his younger days (regretfully, I never saw him singing) and how he used to babysit his nephews and nieces so nicely in addition to volunteering his time and services for social and religious causes in the community. 

We never heard a formal “I love you”  from either parent to kids but actions spoke louder than words in our family. Caring for each other, thinking before speaking, putting oneself in other’s shoes first and never harming anyone even in thoughts were the foundational values that were instilled through them. Another thing I learned from observing my dad was immense patience, value of hard work, attention to detail  and putting whole self to one’s profession and well as in service of others & society irrespective of outcome. 

The outpouring of support and prayers from friends and relatives has been tremendous in the past few weeks and I thank you all for prayers for the departed soul. 

Rest in Peace Daddy! Om Shanti